My 6th year schedule recomended me today to continue my Forensic Pathology lessons this week. Although they're quite interesting I still keep reading about preterm birth from Wiliams Obstetrics and another book. I've also started preparing for IELTS again though I haven't decided yet when I'll take it.
To be honest, I'm confused. The thing is, I didn't send my documents to Eligibility Office as without an IELTS they were incomplite. Until I'll have a desirable result, for the UKFPO I'm not eligible to work as a Foundation Junior Doctor. The question is what to do next?
I could have talk this situation through with my friends but as long as they know nothing about the UK or living and working abroad, as long as they don't know the difference, they'll only keep telling me to think carefully leaving my country straight after our graduation, without even trying to get a full registration as a doctor and a licence to practice.
The only person who tries to talk me into leaving Poland straight after my last exam is a friend (..don't know when I started to consider him one..), let's call him PJM, who graduated this year and straight after he started his F1 somewhere near the London. When he heard about my failure, he told me to leave PL anyway, to go to the UK, find any job and call NHS or whoever to get any Locum PRHO or any F1 post left by someone, as he would do so. His scenerio would scare most of my friends and my family simply because there's too many question marks in this plan. People gets scared easily. They are scared of failure so they choose safe solutions.
Deep inside I'm not like this. I've understood that my failure after Erasmus in Italy made me feel unsure about my goals. After very busy but predictable 5th year and quite lazy summer, my desire to adventure and challenges keeps rising, so even now I can say where it leads me, to what sort of choices.
Another thing is that I let them (polish people I mean) to get into my head and I started to listen to this voice which tells me that I should follow the others, do the same things like they do and never ever try something else(!). I know, it sounds unrealistic, but this is how it is. If straight after high school you don't get to the faculty you've chosen, they'll make you feel like a looser. And you may keep saying that you have a plan, you want a gap year and you'll learn more about the life than they will, but it won't help at all. Cause they know better. Same with the exams and with post-graduate career. The smaller the city is, the worse the way of thinking is.
I've understood this paradox when I left Poland for a year to do the 4th year in Italy as an Erasmus. After, I've promised myself I won't follow their way of thinking again, and today after one year I've realized it happened again. It's good that now I can clearly see it so I can try to follow my plan anyway.
I started to wonder, what would it be like to start as a Healthcare Assistant, get a provisional registration at GMC, search for a Locum PRHO job and spend a year like that before getting into Foundation Programme? A hudge mistake? Wrong choice? A step back? Or a desirable experience with getting dirty which one day might turn out to be significant. Hard to say.
The only fact for now is that without these complications in my life, I would have almost nothing interesting to write about. In fact, the best thing related to medicine happened today as our teacher asked if there's someone who'd like to help in the section of human body. Those who don't study in Poland should know that this was an amazing opportunity as in general we are allowed just to watch, listen & answer questions. And we do not touch until we're asked to do so.
So when he asked twice today and no one rised his hand, I've started to seriously consider joining the teacher. Of course I barely remembered basic things about how the section of a human should be done, as we've had it on our 3rd year, but I assumed that I will have to operate one day or cut someone open, so why do not start today with a cadaver. Don't get me worng, it's not that I enjoy cutting dead bodies! I've just decided that the 6th year is the highest time to start to learn some practice. Or at least to desire to learn.
When I raised my hand and asked if I can get dressed and where the gloves are, my colleagues were a bit shocked. But who doesn't try, he doesn't get. Another thing which I've learned today was to talk to doctors politely about what I'm about to do and how to very kindly ask them to give me instructions how to make the next step. Later on, everybody took gloves and started touching the liver as it presented a classic example of alcoholic steatosis. Well, at least I got the taste of how it is to be the youngest member of the medical team.
I feel like my life wouldn't be a 100% mine without ups and downs and its complications. I guess my life was designed like this, a winding path with lots of surprises.
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