So many times so far I wanted to give up. Honestly..
Every single freakin' time when I write another essay or report I ask myself "Is it worth it? Shouldn't I give up? Am I able to achieve that? Isn't this simply too much?"
Everytime I fail or I begin to have doubts I wonder whether I am right with what I'm about to do..
It might look like it's so freakin' easy, so clear, so effortless to turn the whole life upside down, but it's not. However, isn't it what I do?
A man who first said that following your dreams is a damn hard road to take, absolutely knew what he's been saying..
I guess the most important thing here is to do not give up, despite all the doubts which began to tie us down.
niedziela, 19 lutego 2012
sobota, 18 lutego 2012
Friends
I've always been thinking that in old times people by Friendship ment a relationship with someone since they've been 5 years old.
When I was a little girl I've been dreaming about having someone with who I could be able to keep in touch for ages. Today I think I believed too much in the stories written in all the novels I've read.
I look at people from the town where I grew up and I know I could not fit into this place anymore. These who still live there I call "Hometown friends". Although I still keep in touch with a couple of them, the proper number of real friends is... emmm... One? And she does not live in our hometown anymore!
Then we have University. New friends were one of the reasons why I did not change Univ after the first year, to study closer to my Hometown. At University I've met plenty of lovely and inspiring people and they've all became my "University friends". Of course we've had our "ups and downs" but we managed to survive six years together. But after such along time you get to know exactly to whom you can trust and to whom you should not believe. This explains why I diminished the number of my real friends markedly. What's more I've mentioned previously that cutting off another person does not hurt anymore as it used to.
Above all of this I love my relationship with one of the girls - she does her stuff and I do mine, and when we meet and talk about serious things we can say everything to each other. And even if we choose to do not to say all, it's also OK. But for instance, even if I'd say I did something extremely risky or stupid she'd say "Wow! You actually are crazy!" and we'd laugh about it, while other people would say "Oh my God! How could you do that!!!" and they'd be shocked and start gossiping about it like it's a big deal when it's not!
Finally we have "All around the world friends" with who I can talk or email once a month, or twice a year and it's still OK. I am busy with my life and they are busy with their, but I do remember them and they remember about me. No hurt feelings, just plesant memories. What else may I need? :) And there's one more good thing about them - they can look at your life and your problems from a veeeery long distance and might give you a piece of advice which no one else could. Their ideas sometimes turn out to be the best ones!
I'm back to the University again. One week of lessons is over, 12 weeks to go :) I'm on Psychiatry currently and although it's quite interesting, I cannot immagine doing this job. I'm too.. I don't even know how to name it..
I think my mind is closed for Psychiatry and analysing all those stories made up in patients heads.
I guess I'll stick to other kinds of specialities :)
When I was a little girl I've been dreaming about having someone with who I could be able to keep in touch for ages. Today I think I believed too much in the stories written in all the novels I've read.
I look at people from the town where I grew up and I know I could not fit into this place anymore. These who still live there I call "Hometown friends". Although I still keep in touch with a couple of them, the proper number of real friends is... emmm... One? And she does not live in our hometown anymore!
Then we have University. New friends were one of the reasons why I did not change Univ after the first year, to study closer to my Hometown. At University I've met plenty of lovely and inspiring people and they've all became my "University friends". Of course we've had our "ups and downs" but we managed to survive six years together. But after such along time you get to know exactly to whom you can trust and to whom you should not believe. This explains why I diminished the number of my real friends markedly. What's more I've mentioned previously that cutting off another person does not hurt anymore as it used to.
Above all of this I love my relationship with one of the girls - she does her stuff and I do mine, and when we meet and talk about serious things we can say everything to each other. And even if we choose to do not to say all, it's also OK. But for instance, even if I'd say I did something extremely risky or stupid she'd say "Wow! You actually are crazy!" and we'd laugh about it, while other people would say "Oh my God! How could you do that!!!" and they'd be shocked and start gossiping about it like it's a big deal when it's not!
Finally we have "All around the world friends" with who I can talk or email once a month, or twice a year and it's still OK. I am busy with my life and they are busy with their, but I do remember them and they remember about me. No hurt feelings, just plesant memories. What else may I need? :) And there's one more good thing about them - they can look at your life and your problems from a veeeery long distance and might give you a piece of advice which no one else could. Their ideas sometimes turn out to be the best ones!
I'm back to the University again. One week of lessons is over, 12 weeks to go :) I'm on Psychiatry currently and although it's quite interesting, I cannot immagine doing this job. I'm too.. I don't even know how to name it..
I think my mind is closed for Psychiatry and analysing all those stories made up in patients heads.
I guess I'll stick to other kinds of specialities :)
niedziela, 12 lutego 2012
Not distracted
I do realize that listening to me when I keep talking only about myself might be annoying and I really do appreciate my roommate who is patient enough to hear me out everytime I need to speak out, which is practically everyday.
Tomorrow I'm about to start my very last semester as a student at my University and although the whole unknown future and mature life with its mature decisions really scare me I can't wait till the day I'll get my diploma and begin to live truly on my own. I know it's gonna be difficult at the beginning, well - I honestly have nothing, but on the other hand - having no obligations, no car, no flat, no urgent credit to pay back make life simpler and decisions about going abroad are supposed to be easier to make as well.
Several things distracted me lately though.
Firstly I talked to some guy from one of the Scandinavian countries and he happend to be pretty honest about what's his opinion about life in PL in general. I couldn't disagree with him when he talked about the quality of life in here, money ect. however people just keep staying here and living their "poor life" in "poor country". Something makes them to stay. I honestly had no idea how to respond him, cause I was as well someone who do not know anything about the world or life and how great it can be when you have a lot of money.
That's actually the truth. I come from a place where people who know that I'm going to become a doctor who speaks English and managed to survive one year of studies in Italy, consider me as someone extremely successful, whereas for really successful people what I've achieved is nothing extrordinary.
Plenty of my friends took this twice longer and harder road to start studying Medicine. From small city and really poor school they managed to pass their finals and get the score high enough to get to The Faculty of Medicine. Many of them had or have nothing like I do. Well, at least not much, although my Italian, Swedish or Norwegian friends would for sure say that I have truly nothing.
Another thing which diverted my mind for a short time was a tiny crush which I've had on someone. It lasted like 5 days when I've finally said "No, it's not him." and on the sixth day I've found out he's married! Sh*t! Well, what can I say. I liked the guy, but..
Well, this helped me to realize how easy it is to distract me! Although I miss having someone, I don't have time for "trying" to be with someone. I just need to find The One, or perhaps he has to find me and convince me that he's The One. That makes things more complicated..
Besides, I cannot be disturbed right now! I need to pass all the final exams, so until the end of June I won't have time to fall in love with anyone! Anyone at all!
I began to listen to The Script again. I forgot that I used to enjoy all of their songs without even one exception! Somehow they remind me about my goals..
One last thing: how it can be even possible that a man can love a woman like it's being sung in songs???
Tomorrow I'm about to start my very last semester as a student at my University and although the whole unknown future and mature life with its mature decisions really scare me I can't wait till the day I'll get my diploma and begin to live truly on my own. I know it's gonna be difficult at the beginning, well - I honestly have nothing, but on the other hand - having no obligations, no car, no flat, no urgent credit to pay back make life simpler and decisions about going abroad are supposed to be easier to make as well.
Several things distracted me lately though.
Firstly I talked to some guy from one of the Scandinavian countries and he happend to be pretty honest about what's his opinion about life in PL in general. I couldn't disagree with him when he talked about the quality of life in here, money ect. however people just keep staying here and living their "poor life" in "poor country". Something makes them to stay. I honestly had no idea how to respond him, cause I was as well someone who do not know anything about the world or life and how great it can be when you have a lot of money.
That's actually the truth. I come from a place where people who know that I'm going to become a doctor who speaks English and managed to survive one year of studies in Italy, consider me as someone extremely successful, whereas for really successful people what I've achieved is nothing extrordinary.
Plenty of my friends took this twice longer and harder road to start studying Medicine. From small city and really poor school they managed to pass their finals and get the score high enough to get to The Faculty of Medicine. Many of them had or have nothing like I do. Well, at least not much, although my Italian, Swedish or Norwegian friends would for sure say that I have truly nothing.
Another thing which diverted my mind for a short time was a tiny crush which I've had on someone. It lasted like 5 days when I've finally said "No, it's not him." and on the sixth day I've found out he's married! Sh*t! Well, what can I say. I liked the guy, but..
Well, this helped me to realize how easy it is to distract me! Although I miss having someone, I don't have time for "trying" to be with someone. I just need to find The One, or perhaps he has to find me and convince me that he's The One. That makes things more complicated..
Besides, I cannot be disturbed right now! I need to pass all the final exams, so until the end of June I won't have time to fall in love with anyone! Anyone at all!
I began to listen to The Script again. I forgot that I used to enjoy all of their songs without even one exception! Somehow they remind me about my goals..
One last thing: how it can be even possible that a man can love a woman like it's being sung in songs???
sobota, 4 lutego 2012
Indecisive
OMG! I am such a Lady!!! Such an indecisive woman!
You wouldn't guess what I've done lately..
I'll begin with explaining that I'm back at Ob&Gyn department to spend there few more days before starting new semester and I started to think about my internship over and over again.
Moreover, I even draw three timelines, for years 2012, 2013 and 2014 to see clearly when the internship in Poland and in the UK begins, when I could gain full registration as a doctor in the GMC or when I could start working as a SHO.
And then I called my mum to chat about usual things and I mentioned something about my internship - that it would be less complicated to do it in Poland and then to apply for a Speciality Training or to leave and work in England as a SHO. She just laughed and I said "You're probably right, it might change hundered times before I'll finish University". ;)
And yes, I've been writing previously "UK definitely" and now my life is like the title of one of the movies "Definitely, Maybe". Right..
You wouldn't guess what I've done lately..
I'll begin with explaining that I'm back at Ob&Gyn department to spend there few more days before starting new semester and I started to think about my internship over and over again.
Moreover, I even draw three timelines, for years 2012, 2013 and 2014 to see clearly when the internship in Poland and in the UK begins, when I could gain full registration as a doctor in the GMC or when I could start working as a SHO.
And then I called my mum to chat about usual things and I mentioned something about my internship - that it would be less complicated to do it in Poland and then to apply for a Speciality Training or to leave and work in England as a SHO. She just laughed and I said "You're probably right, it might change hundered times before I'll finish University". ;)
And yes, I've been writing previously "UK definitely" and now my life is like the title of one of the movies "Definitely, Maybe". Right..
środa, 1 lutego 2012
A beautiful day
Last Monday, I've been so busy and so tired that I went to bed around 9 p.m.
In the morning I've had the oral part of Ob&Gyn exam and it was one of the most important days for me this year. The questions I got weren't difficult and I was ready to answer immediately, so I started and kept talking until the examiner stopped me and asked me to move to another topic and then to another. This is why my exam lasted around 10 minutes cause the professor decided to give me an A without any doubts. Yay! :)))
Later that day I went to the Urology Department to do my afternoon shift, which is compulsory for all the students. And we've had so many patients to check on that for 5 hours we didn't have even few minutes of break!
I came back to my room after 6 p.m. totally exhausted! When I was taking the shower I thought I'm never gonna go out from there. I did however and then I immediately jumped into my bed, watch a movie and fall asleep.
And it was a beautiful day cause I've been using my brain, working as much as I could, improoving my skills and learning new things all the time!
One of the best days :)
I keep watching Junior Doctors: Your Life In Their Hands and I just wonder whether I'd be able to handle each case by myself. It helps me to realize how much I still need to learn.
In the morning I've had the oral part of Ob&Gyn exam and it was one of the most important days for me this year. The questions I got weren't difficult and I was ready to answer immediately, so I started and kept talking until the examiner stopped me and asked me to move to another topic and then to another. This is why my exam lasted around 10 minutes cause the professor decided to give me an A without any doubts. Yay! :)))
Later that day I went to the Urology Department to do my afternoon shift, which is compulsory for all the students. And we've had so many patients to check on that for 5 hours we didn't have even few minutes of break!
I came back to my room after 6 p.m. totally exhausted! When I was taking the shower I thought I'm never gonna go out from there. I did however and then I immediately jumped into my bed, watch a movie and fall asleep.
And it was a beautiful day cause I've been using my brain, working as much as I could, improoving my skills and learning new things all the time!
One of the best days :)
I keep watching Junior Doctors: Your Life In Their Hands and I just wonder whether I'd be able to handle each case by myself. It helps me to realize how much I still need to learn.
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