Studying

Studying for the seventh exam in a row turned out to be quite difficult. 
My brain goes off too quickly, I fall asleep too easily and my coffee doesn't work as it should.
Plus I have no idea why on Earth I haven't used my favourite mug today to prepare my first morning coffee.. Why, why, why..? I'll tell you why!
It seems like I just had to take The Shaky Mug, make coffee and then spill it all over my notes..
Great...

I need to remember to sort out the paperwork about my summer job...

The time before The End

Not much time left in this place, at this Univ. Two exams left, Forensic Medicine and Paediatrics.
And I'm glad.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but as soon as I'll become a doctor, I'll begin working not as a medic. I have found a job as a Live-In Carer and at the moment I'm organizing my last documents before beginning the whole training and the job.

One of my colleagues told me to quit it before I'll sign any papers cause that kind of job is simply just not good enough for me.
I see his point. Everybody could said "I am a doctor. I'm not going to work as a HCA.", but frankly I am asking "What kind of doctor am I actually?" And the truth is I'm no one.

Newly qualified junior doctor without the right to possess full registration at the GMC. I am no one until I'll finish my internship. So what kind of job can I do?
Besides, I am not a Princess nor a bigwig, so why can't I work as a HCA? I honestly can't see the reason why I shouldn't try.

I do know though that it might turn out to be a bit difficult for me to deal with this job, not physically but mentally. I have already heard a little bit about the man I'll be taking care of and no doubt  it'll be quite demanding task.. Yes, I must admit that. However, I'm going to try myself and put myself into this challenging situation. Anyway, we'll see...

All of this does not change the fact that I can't wait 'till my plane will land in the UK again, 'till I'll hear BBC News and I'll buy some British magazines and begin improving my English immediately :)
Let's hope for that :)

Nothing alike

Lately I haven't been following much other blogs simply beause I've been concentrated mainly on my studies, exams, being all stressed out and thinking about attending and not attending our graduation party in October.

I have to say, when I saw that there is a nice hotel next to the restaurant where our party is going to be organised, I thought it is another fact, which nearly convinced me. I say "nearly" cause I've made up my mind when I saw that on the groundfloor of the hotel there is a hairdresser & beautician :p :) Yep, now I can join the Graduation Party :p


What occured to me lately is that one of the Junior Doctors, who used to write a lot, got busy so much since she started working, that now she's posting something once a month or so.. The same thing happened with my "E-mail-Friend", who begun his F1 year in August 2011. It looks like they are pretty busy there!
It is a bit scary for me but at the same time I'm thinking about how much they learn there every single day..!


So I begun thinking about what I am going to do during my internship and.. frankly.. if I do not have a plan for myself and if I do not keep myself busy at work, I am going to finish everyday around midday and no one is going to care about it..
Now I've realized why my friends kept telling me that UK and Polish internships are nothing alike..


Nevertheless, I have a plan for the next 12 months of my life. I'm glad.

Distraction

Sometimes it is surprisingly easy to distract me. Especially when I fall in love with someone for a week or two. Personally I hate these days and I've been trying to avoid them as much as I could - you're unable to concentrate and study effectively, you cannot focus on your goals and suddenly you do not want to get up at 7 am. Instead, you prefer to stay in bed and dream.. dream.. dream about all the things he or she said and did..
Horrifying!!!

It cannot happen to me again..!

What should happen is to pass the rest of my exams. I've managed to get quite satisfying grades in Orthopedics and Anesthesio.. I know already I've passed Psychiatry and Oncology, but I've no idea about the mark they gave me. And I have three exams to go: Family Medicine, Forensic Medicine and Pediatrics. The last one will be the worst one... Step by step - that's the plan!

Successfully I've managed to hear some news about my job for the summertime and I am organizing all the papers and documents, everything should be ready before July, so I could begin my work ASAP.

I still haven't changed my mind about my Life. It is messing around with me pretty much and I am too tired to fight with it and whatever it'll bring me.

I am literally speachless. I have severe laryngitis after 2 days of studying and discussing old questions for the exam and then after drinking cold beer and talking so much with people! :p
It was worth it though :)

I guess all my closest friends and family know that they cannot try to persuade me to do something, because most likely I'll do the opposite no matter what.
After months and months of sending emails, applying for jobs, studying for IELTS and not getting the desired score, after considering all my options, I have finally became able to make a firm decision (I believe..) about my future :p

Firstly, not getting 7,5 from IELTS from each doamin (again..!) most likely excludes me from the eligibility checking period for the FP 2013-2015. So.. to do not extend the time during which I won't be working as a doctor, it occured to me that it will be better to become a fully registered doctor in Poland anyway, then begin working as a SHO while waiting for F2 2014-2015 to begin. In the meantime, I would have to pass an IELTS finally (!!!!!!!) and I have 13 more months to do that.. untill Eligibility Checking Period in July-August 2013.

There are always pros and cons of every decision, but generally I need to think about what kind of experience I want, I need and where and how I want to explore my career further.
But I still would like to work during the summer time.. and I hope I'll get the job which I've been already discussing with my future employer.

So I guess there will be more stories from Polish hospitals written in English. Everybody are welcome to read :)

Lately..

Short update.
My IELTS results could be enough for an internship in Ireland but probably won't be enough to make me a candidate eligible to apply for FP 2013. That's why I'll end up in Ireland probably or I'll have to be back to accomplish my internship in Poland. We will see..

I've passed Orthopedics recently though.. The next step is Anesthesiology.. Scary exam, cause the questions might be pretty surprising.. Plus there's simply no time to study again for that later..!

I'm still applying for a HCA job, but hardly anyone gives me respond for my applications. There are days when I barely can look at the screen and work in front of my computer, because of all this checking adverts and browsing websites..!

Well.. luckily I have only 2 weeks and 2 days at University to spend and six exams to go, yay! :)

What if..?

The more I think about the latest exam, the more I'm sure I'm not going to get desired result.. Damn.. However, I began to follow the recruitment for interns in Ireland and if anything goes wrong I'll end up in Ireland for a year.. hopefully..

My friend inspired me to read a little bit about doing PhD... abroad of course.. Well, I have to say I have a lot to think about. Firstly, what if I loose my permission to pratice medicine in Poland? Secondly, what if I want to do PhD in Poland? Thirdly, what if I decided to begin my PhD abroad while doing my Speciality Training?
Above it all, what if the world will explode?!
I mean, in that way I can think about anything and everything at the same time: buying an old and abandoned palace in Poland, rebuilding it and selling with profit; starting an interior design course; buying a house in London, marrying a famous person or starting a family. Life is simply too short to do it all!!!

For now I only continue to search for any job offers for newly qualified med students plus I can feel the atmosphere of exams, which are getting closer and closer each day..

Three Days

Yesterday.. For the second time I've tried to get from an IELTS exam desired result, 7,5 from each domain. Frankly, I've no idea how did it go. And I'm way too tired to analyse it. Too exhausted to think about it or to ask myself "What if I've failed?"..

Today, I've finally watched the latest two episodes of "The Voice UK", yay! :) First of all, I love that kind of TV shows in which everything is only about the music and second of all.. :))) ..my beloved Danny from The Script is one of the coaches and I just adore him :p I know, I sound like 13 years old teenager, but I just can't help it! :)

Besides, it's been only three days since I'm 25! I announce it everytime I can, cause I'm so excited because of getting old! I feel like I want to taste my juicy life every single day and make my dreams come true :)
So no matter how my exam went, I'm still going to begin my career in the UK, live there and enjoy a company of English, Scottish, Welsh and Irish guys of course :)))

Seriously, when I listen to the music on the radio and I hear one of the British musicians and I read articles in English I begin wondering how long it will take before I'll end up in the UK.

Blurry future

Like I've said - Swedish internship faded away. I called this HR agency and they've explained me why I'm not eligible for these posts. However, they told me to re-write my CV again and emphasize all my medical experience in order to become a perfect candidate to work in a hospital. What is more, the lady mentioned that I might be a suitable candidate to work in one of the private hospitals as a Medical Assistant - or something like that.
Well.. let's hope for that.

6 weeks and 4 days at the Univ left and 8 exams.
Do you know why I count so frequently this time which we've left? I wish I could press FF button, cause I want to know so badly where I'll end up in the nearest and furthest future! :)

Besides, the Internet scares me!!!
I've met a guy who I haven't seen in a long time. We talked a bit and when I wanted to text him later I've noticed I've lost his mobile phone number. At least I thought I lost it - how it is possible to memorise somebody's number in your phone and then to not be able to find it?! Well.. I'm extraordinary I guess! :) So I decided to find him somewhere online. I typed his full name and surname and what I've found..? His photos on some Model Management Agency's website! Lovely photos, by the way! :) I continued to stare at them for a while.. Too bad he's married.. I knew that this kind of guy couldn't be single for long.

I guess I'll try really hard to cover my presence on-line.

Songs

Did I ever mention that long time ago I've chosen to do not listen to whiny romantic songs?
You may call me a miserable lonely girl who's been hurt, call it as you like, but still I'll tell you that I do not believe in love. Someone somehow made me not to believe. Or I should say: I let him to crush whatever it was that I beleved in.

Don't get me wrong, I have several favourite love songs. One of them is "Wicked game", but still: the song does not tell a happy love story, so...
If I can I choose sad songs about broken hearts. At least I do understand the lyrics perfectly.

At the University 8 weeks and 8 exams left. Did I mention before that I can't wait 'till the end of it? :)

Interviews

Several weeks ago, I've been lying in my bed and I've been thinking over and over again about my life. Suddenly, I got up, made a firm decision and begun to apply for every job, which was possible to start from July 2012. I decided that I just need to find something before FP 2013 will start. Most of the replies which I've recived the next day, mainly from hospitals, were "Too soon to say.", "Too early to apply.", "I'm afraid we're looking for someone right now." so I've send few emails to Polish job agencies, which cooperate with the agencies in the UK.

Yesterday I've had my first phone interview with one of the English job agencies, which hires people to work as a Live-In-Carer. Some of their questions surprised me, but in general the lady I talked to was pleased about my answers and asked me to participate in a Training Week organised in the UK. In my case, the best thing in this job is that I'll have a place to stay from the beginning and money is great. However, if we consider amount of hours spent on doing things it might turn out I'd earn per hour much less than most of the people. Besides, I'd have only 2 hours each day for myself and for instance 1 week of vacation after 4 weeks of work. As for a curious 25 years old woman who can't wait untill meeting new friends, not being able to go out and travel might be a huge problem..

So I've called another job agency in Poland, which at least once in a month organises an interview with a possible employer, to find out how can I get a Care Assistant job in a nursing home or a hospital. Although money which I'd get would be enough only to pay the bills and it would be hard to save some cash for later, I'd be obliged to work full time (plus overhours..yay!!!:)) and spend my free time as I want. Besides, I'd live wherever I want and go out with whoever I want. When we've begun to discuss details and I've mentioned I'm going to become a Junior Doctor soon, she asked me about an Internship in the UK. I've explaind her my situation briefly and she said: "Well, there is another option. You could consider doing your internship in Sweden. You just need to agree for the 3 months training with language course and then to work there for at least 12 months."

I don't know how many of you would agree immediately for such opportunity to gain completely new experience right after hearing it, but honestly, in 99% I've been ready to say "Yes, please! Where do I sign?". Am I crazy? :)

So hopefully I'll be between choosing Live-In-Carer job, HCA job and an Internship in Sweden (!!!), however these things are so fresh and tentative that they might as well fade away as quickly as they have appeard.Nevertheless, I'll still be searching for some occupation relted to my field of studies.

Ordinary days

Firstly, I would like to say big "Hello!" for the first three observers who decided to follow me and my way to make my dreams come true :)

Several months ago, in October, when I've realized I'm unable to apply for the FP 2012 and I've had no idea what to do next, I wouldn't even predict that so many external factors will come up in my life and influence my decision about leaving this place.
To make things clear: I'm definitely going to prepare all necessary documents to apply for the Internship in Poland and I will send these papers to whoever is going to be responsible for its organisation, however I'll do whatever I can to find a job, any kind of job, in the UK to begin my life over there.
Maybe I need to start from the lowest rung in the ladder of my life and career, so I could climb higher everyday and finally reach the top..

Although I learn English and continue to practice it everyday, I am aware that it is still not enough to speak to the patients and other doctors. When it comes to my English, the lack of confidence in my case might turn out to be petrifying..

My days are so ordinary lately.. No stress at the Univ, no exciting news. Maybe except the fact that one of my Uni-friends made me not to speak to her and not to keep in touch with her any longer. One day she's just said out loud how is she feeling about my huge UK-plans and suggested that it's more likely I'll end up in Poland, begging on the street for some extra money cause my polish salary won't be enough for me.. My blood pressure has jumped rapidly, I clenched my teeth, bit my tounge and didn't even try to defend myself, simply cause she's impossible to discuss with. Then I've just slurred quietly "F*ck yourself.. just wait and we'll see..". Such arguments only make me want to leave even more..


Anyway, in 26 days I'll be 25 :) Magical day! I've said it before - I'm going to make the next 5 years of my life, The Best Time in my life ever! :) Keep your fingers crossed for that!
 

Freakin' easy, huh?

So many times so far I wanted to give up. Honestly..
Every single freakin' time when I write another essay or report I ask myself "Is it worth it? Shouldn't I give up? Am I able to achieve that? Isn't this simply too much?"
Everytime I fail or I begin to have doubts I wonder whether I am right with what I'm about to do..

It might look like it's so freakin' easy, so clear, so effortless to turn the whole life upside down, but it's not. However, isn't it what I do? 
A man who first said that following your dreams is a damn hard road to take, absolutely knew what he's been saying.. 

I guess the most important thing here is to do not give up, despite all the doubts which began to tie us down. 

Friends

I've always been thinking that in old times people by Friendship ment a relationship with someone since they've been 5 years old.
When I was a little girl I've been dreaming about having someone with who I could be able to keep in touch for ages. Today I think I believed too much in the stories written in all the novels I've read.
I look at people from the town where I grew up and I know I could not fit into this place anymore. These who still live there I call "Hometown friends". Although I still keep in touch with a couple of them, the proper number of real friends is... emmm... One? And she does not live in our hometown anymore!

Then we have University. New friends were one of the reasons why I did not change Univ after the first year, to study closer to my Hometown. At University I've met plenty of lovely and inspiring people and they've all became my "University friends". Of course we've had our "ups and downs" but we managed to survive six years together. But after such along time you get to know exactly to whom you can trust and to whom you should not believe. This explains why I diminished the number of my real friends markedly. What's more I've mentioned previously that cutting off another person does not hurt anymore as it used to.
Above all of this I love my relationship with one of the girls - she does her stuff and I do mine, and when we meet and talk about serious things we can say everything to each other. And even if we choose to do not to say all, it's also OK. But for instance, even if I'd say I did something extremely risky or stupid she'd say "Wow! You actually are crazy!" and we'd laugh about it, while other people would say "Oh my God! How could you do that!!!" and they'd be shocked and start gossiping about it like it's a big deal when it's not!

Finally we have "All around the world friends" with who I can talk or email once a month, or twice a year and it's still OK. I am busy with my life and they are busy with their, but I do remember them and they remember about me. No hurt feelings, just plesant memories. What else may I need? :) And there's one more good thing about them - they can look at your life and your problems from a veeeery long distance and might give you a piece of advice which no one else could. Their ideas sometimes turn out to be the best ones!

I'm back to the University again. One week of lessons is over, 12 weeks to go :) I'm on Psychiatry currently and although it's quite interesting, I cannot immagine doing this job. I'm too.. I don't even know how to name it..
I think my mind is closed for Psychiatry and analysing all those stories made up in patients heads.
I guess I'll stick to other kinds of specialities :) 

Not distracted

I do realize that listening to me when I keep talking only about myself might be annoying and I really do appreciate my roommate who is patient enough to hear me out everytime I need to speak out, which is practically everyday.

Tomorrow I'm about to start my very last semester as a student at my University and although the whole unknown future and mature life with its mature decisions really scare me I can't wait till the day I'll get my diploma and begin to live truly on my own. I know it's gonna be difficult at the beginning, well - I honestly have nothing, but on the other hand - having no obligations, no car, no flat, no urgent credit to pay back make life simpler and decisions about going abroad are supposed to be easier to make as well.

Several things distracted me lately though.

Firstly I talked to some guy from one of the Scandinavian countries and he happend to be pretty honest about what's his opinion about life in PL in general. I couldn't disagree with him when he talked about the quality of life in here, money ect. however people just keep staying here and living their "poor life" in "poor country". Something makes them to stay. I honestly had no idea how to respond him, cause I was as well someone who do not know anything about the world or life and how great it can be when you have a lot of money.


That's actually the truth. I come from a place where people who know that I'm going to become a doctor who speaks English and managed to survive one year of studies in Italy, consider me as someone extremely successful, whereas for really successful people what I've achieved is nothing extrordinary.
Plenty of my friends took this twice longer and harder road to start studying Medicine. From small city and really poor school they managed to pass their finals and get the score high enough to get to The Faculty of Medicine. Many of them had or have nothing like I do. Well, at least not much, although my Italian, Swedish or Norwegian friends would for sure say that I have truly nothing.

Another thing which diverted my mind for a short time was a tiny crush which I've had on someone. It lasted like 5 days when I've finally said "No, it's not him." and on the sixth day I've found out he's married! Sh*t! Well, what can I say. I liked the guy, but..
Well, this helped me to realize how easy it is to distract me! Although I miss having someone, I don't have time for "trying" to be with someone. I just need to find The One, or perhaps he has to find me and convince me that he's The One. That makes things more complicated..
Besides, I cannot be disturbed right now! I need to pass all the final exams, so until the end of June I won't have time to fall in love with anyone! Anyone at all!


I began to listen to The Script again. I forgot that I used to enjoy all of their songs without even one exception! Somehow they remind me about my goals..
One last thing: how it can be even possible that a man can love a woman like it's being sung in songs???

Indecisive

OMG! I am such a Lady!!! Such an indecisive woman!
You wouldn't guess what I've done lately..

I'll begin with explaining that I'm back at Ob&Gyn department to spend there few more days before starting new semester and I started to think about my internship over and over again.
Moreover, I even draw three timelines, for years 2012, 2013 and 2014 to see clearly when the internship in Poland and in the UK begins, when I could gain full registration as a doctor in the GMC or when I could start working as a SHO.

And then I called my mum to chat about usual things and I mentioned something about my internship - that it would be less complicated to do it in Poland and then to apply for a Speciality Training or to leave and work in England as a SHO. She just laughed and I said "You're probably right, it might change hundered times before I'll finish University". ;)

And yes, I've been writing previously "UK definitely" and now my life is like the title of one of the movies "Definitely, Maybe". Right..

A beautiful day

Last Monday, I've been so busy and so tired that I went to bed around 9 p.m.

In the morning I've had the oral part of Ob&Gyn exam and it was one of the most important days for me this year. The questions I got weren't difficult and I was ready to answer immediately, so I started and kept talking until the examiner stopped me and asked me to move to another topic and then to another. This is why my exam lasted around 10 minutes cause the professor decided to give me an A without any doubts. Yay! :)))

Later that day I went to the Urology Department to do my afternoon shift, which is compulsory for all the students. And we've had so many patients to check on that for 5 hours we didn't have even few minutes of break!
I came back to my room after 6 p.m. totally exhausted! When I was taking the shower I thought I'm never gonna go out from there. I did however and then I immediately jumped into my bed, watch a movie and fall asleep.


And it was a beautiful day cause I've been using my brain, working as much as I could, improoving my skills and learning new things all the time!
One of the best days :)


I keep watching Junior Doctors: Your Life In Their Hands and I just wonder whether I'd be able to handle each case by myself. It helps me to realize how much I still need to learn.

The night before..

It was easy to predict.. I had to have a beer just one day before the exam.. The day is today! Tonight actually.. ;)
I've prepared half of the questions which we have.. and the second half need to wait until tomorrow.
Cause now I'm enjoying my beer and browsing ELLEs website. And "Oh My!" I love these shoes and bags and sunglasses..! And "Oh My!" it will be better for me to work 80 hours per week to do not have time to spend all my money on clothes and accessories!!! :)

It was really great to know that people appreciated my hard work and my result from the exam, although I need to take it once again. Especially, it was lovely to hear from someone who knows how is it to prepare and to take this exam. Someone who does realize how important is it and who can always give me a piece of advice.

Lately, I'm saving money to have some cash for beginning a brand new chapter of my life in England. In July, hopefully!
Enough! ELLEs website is waiting! ;)

Results

Seriously! I've no idea whether should I cry or should I laugh out loud! :)

My IELTS exam results: overall 8,0; listening 8,5; reading 9,0; writing 7,0(!!!); speaking 7,5.
In general this result is fantastic! Except writing.. and I need to retake the exam!

I got 78% in Ob&Gyn test ;) and oral part is on Monday! So I'm going back to study hard! ;)

What do we post on-line?

It is quite complicated to create a blog which suits us perfectly. Personally, I've changed the address several times until I've found The Best One. Another thing is the whole design which should be both simple but eye-catching.

At BMJ website I've read a couple of paragraphs about med students, nurses and doctors who posted too many information or pictures on their blogs, websites or Twitter about their colleagues and patients. Finally someone started to consider it as a seriuos and real problem. Frequently people cross the line without realising it. Maybe now young adults are going to be more carefull about exchanging news and saying what unusual has happened in the hospital today.

It took me a while to decide what to do next, after my graduation. And here's the plan - finally! Firstly, I'll try to find a job via NHS as a HCA or paramedic. However, I'll prepare all the documents to apply for an Internship in Poland, just in case, to do not close my way back. I hope I'll love my occupation in the UK, though.

And today, on BBC Three at 9.00 pm Junior Doctors: Your Life In Their Hands. :)